but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think I sprained my soul last night
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
