I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
