Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
