I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The uberlube is also flammable
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
