I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
