I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
