ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
