Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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