He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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