Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
