When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
