My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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