so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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