If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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