He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
