It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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