hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
false alarm, still single
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
