Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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