I wish I could teleport
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
