i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
