This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He passed out mid-signature
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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