between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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