these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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