How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
