I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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