Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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