the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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