3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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