i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
PANTIES FOUND
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