If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
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I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
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Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize