How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
