They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
