How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
