I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
