you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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