We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
