For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
