I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Are we still banned from the library?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
