Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
