you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
and you fell through a lawn chair
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
