dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
