She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I fill condoms, not promises.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
