Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
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im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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