tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
