I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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