i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
