i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Randomize
