I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
