I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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