What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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