Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
