so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
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You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
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I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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