the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
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She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
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Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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