I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You ate ashes out of my bong
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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