where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
