I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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