I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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