My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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