North Korea, Best Korea!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Sober January is a disaster.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
