Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
