New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize