you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Please don't give away my fajitas
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
