Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
