I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
