apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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