I wanna passion pit in your ass
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
