I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
