They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
