You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
