i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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