my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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