I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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