If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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