i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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