This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
