went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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